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May 29, 2009


This post is a place for me to drop into a list all the things I would like to have. It's a place of yearning and dreams and goals. I'd ideally like for this post to be a page in my site, but as I'm merely using Blogger to host this blog, it's got limitations. Seriously, someone help me redesign/host this blog.

Beautiful Draper Stripe bedding by Dwell. I would sleep so blissfully if I had a bed like this. The lovely country stripes and calming blue feel like home to me.

O dear. I've been very productive today. As in, looking at products. Lots of them.

    This bag this bag this bag please please please. This bag would eliminate the need for twelve of my other bags. And I would be stylish, and it would last forever because it's leather. Italian leather.

    This notebook by Muji.

    This Blind Pilot album for some sweet acoustic listening for this summer, on repeat in my scorching hot apartment. Recommended by a friend who's been doing a Song a Day on Facebook Notes. He's got good taste.

    A fan might be nice. Bidding now.

    Speakers might be nice. Something small that i can put up on the shelf above the windows...

    A vacation here.

    This cute jumper from Brooklyn Industries.

    Every single piece of jewelry in this woman's Etsy shop. I want to grow up to be this kind of elegant.

Anywho, I'd like to start with a I came across this and thought I'd make my own checklist places of where I'd like to be kissed by my boyfriend. Not on my body, silly - actual world locations!

    in the pouring tropical rain
    in a treehouse that we built
    on a ferris wheel on a cool day
    on a grassy hill, preferably in Ireland
    over a white picket fence
    during a picnic on a small boatjavascript:void(0)
    in a blanket fort
    through a cab window

May 27, 2009

Spurting Dreams

Since I've been completely and utterly neglectful of this blog due to a pathetic writer's block, I'm going to attempt to break through by writing about my dreams and see where it goes. Something abstract and tactless yet meaningful to some part of my psyche, apparently.

I've found a recent theme of abandonment throughout my dreams for the past few nights. In my dreams I'm looking for my sister to save me from burning my foot in the oven, yet she is no where to be found until too late. And in another dream my parents invite us all to a party, but I think we're too cool to go so we kind of hang back and continue doing our things, or so I think. Next time I turn around my sisters are dressed up and getting into the car, without telling me that they'd decided to go, in other words, not inviting me. My reaction in that dream was to have a maaajor thrombo on the hood of the car. It was horribly embarrassing but I meant every satanic word. At the time.

This totally would happen in real life by the way, or at least in my head. I would first feel hurt and it would turn into feelings of betrayal. I'd immediately mask my pain with pride and go back inside and continue on some passive aggressive adventure of revenge, like mess up the closet that they just organized, or hide their favorite stuffed animals. It's a reaction I've had all my life. It used to be that there was no difference between being late and on time as long as I showed up, yet I fall to pieces when the other person doesn't notify me when they're running behind. I tend to translate this lack of fortuitous timing into neglect, and take personal offense to this inconsideration. Now I ask for exact time estimations from my dates, to the minute or at least a 6 minute range. It's turning me into a control freak!

In my waking life I'm learning to deal with my anger (I know, what? Milan angry? Just ask my sisters) and how it stems from the pain of feeling abandoned. I am at a COMPLETE loss as to how to get over it. I can be logical and realize that shtuff happens and it doesn't mean that I am the center of the universe (but I am the center of MY universe!) and that I don't have to be made the victim (then why do i FEEL like the victim??). Exasperated sigh.

It's ridiculous really, and I can't help but feel that I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life. Alls I knows is that either 1) my significant other is going to have to be extra communicative and constantly present (not physically, mainly emotionally) in order to reassure my ego that it is loved or 2) love my ego myself. Or both.

The conversations in my head go like this:

Me: You are not the center of the universe.
Ego: But I am the center of MY universe.
Me: Ok yes, but you have to live with others in this universe so calm the cow down!
Ego: *pout* ok.

Me: You don't have to be the victim today.
Ego: But I am the victim, why else would I feel this way?
Me: Because you're hurt, that's all. It's a legitimate reaction and it'll pass.
Ego: But when?
Me: As soon as you stop making yourself the victim.
Ego: But I want to be! I don't have to be strong here!
Me: Aha. So that's what you want? To be weak?
Ego: no...
Me: Okay. Well I love you so be strong and it will pass.
Ego: *pout* ok.

We all have our inner demons called the ego, and I think we all should have a better relationship with it. I don't know if having this type of conversation will work for me, but I'll give it a try the next time I find myself in a completely irrational place. Like while having a hissy fit on the hood of a car.

May 13, 2009

Fresh Eyes

Hello hello,
I've been M.I.A for quite some time now (7 days, but in blog world, missing a day is like missing a lifetime) and I've not real excuse. In fact, I'l have you know that I have been writing more on paper and actually have a series of thoughts on Following Your Dreams that I'll have to break up into separate posts. It's a subject that I've been tackling for most of my life and increasingly so lately, so I'm very passionate about sharing them with you and hearing what you have to say. More soon.

In other news, I ran out of contacts last week so I took that as an incentive to get these nerdy Guess glasses. Yes, I am going for the nerdy look. My calm face looks "too cool for school"...
... so I took another with a funny expression to balance it out. For some reason I feel inappropriate smiling at my desk. Hm.. that can't be a good sign.

Do you all like the related posts widget I've added to this page? I feel that it's a good way to engage you all readers more, by sifting through my old posts that might possibly interest you. I'm not sure the algorithm or if it's just keyword related, but it'll probably hit or miss until I accumulate more posts.

I'm still refining my subject matter for this blog. It's more so an all-encompassing-Milan blog, of things that interest me (design, photography, interiors, style) and of things I think of (stupid inventions, existential thoughts, dreams). It's more or less a personal blog, but I'd like to be able to connect with you readers in some way.

Where do our commonalities lie? What can you relate to on this site?
Is it just because you know me, or want to know me? Or is there something in what I say that interests you? Please let me know and I'll have better insight as to what to write about.

May 6, 2009

My Photo, Selected!

For the sixth edition Schmap San Francisco Guide. Never heard of it before, but it looks cool! Thank you Internet Lord for search engine optimization and tags for allowing them to find me on flickr!

I took this photo a few years back when I was traveling between Davis and San Francisco a lot to visit my then-boyfriend who went to the California Culinary Academy right around the corner from this photo. That was an adventurous time in my life, when I dropped out of college for a quarter for some reason that I'll have to refer to my journal archive to remember. I still don't know if my parents ever knew...