By the looks of it, summer has gone and fall is here. I really couldn't wake up this morning. Why, I thought, am I using the only bit of energy I have to hit snooze? Why does my body try to convince me that it wants to STAY RIGHT HERE DON'T MOVE. My thoughts automatically runs through the catalog of potential dangers that my body might be warning me of. Nope, just another day. Can you get up now? No. Okay 5 more minutes.
What about now?
No.
*sigh*
After about four rounds of this, I succumb to the excuse/reason/fact that it's because the weather is changing. Bleh.
Facing changes
Aging is funny to me in a head-tilt sort of way. I'll go about my business, and suddenly get slapped with something new and be like, goddamnit! and calm down and learn from it and then get slapped again! and go whoa ho ho ho okay, I get it! I continue about my business, freshly slapped and braced for another one. I'll think I know how it'll sting, but each slap seems just as, if not harder than, the last. But eventually it's the skin that toughens over time, accustomed to the slaps and not minding it so much. I wonder Why are you slapping me? or What am I supposed to do after being slapped? or What the hell is the point?
I can only assume that this is a part of life, and that some of you will roll your eyes at my young'un self and say "been there done that". You could probably interpret it for me and give me advice on how to prepare for next time but really it's not your call. While I fear my words and thoughts will bore you to the point of no return, I also recognize what is new to me is my experience only.
It's new to me to no longer see my parents as my care takers or key keepers, but as humans with faults. It's new to me that I am in fact an adult, and age becomes totally irrelevant because after a certain point, it's a free for all journey with no particular destination. Careers are new to me. Marriage and children are new to me. Shoot, feeding myself is new to me. I think we tend to latch on to whatever makes sense to us and define ourselves that way. But we are no longer children who play endlessly or teens who rebel and wear to'e up clothes.
How about I not take this to a depressing place. That would be too easy. A cop out. A pessimistic weasel.
Understanding why by participating
I find guidance in connecting the dots, by looking at the whole picture from a high level perspective. Suppose the logic that if something is reoccurring, then it is a pattern. And if we see a consistent pattern, we can no longer say it is fate. Out of the hands of fate, we see events and instances in light of reason, more like facts. The patterns I witness become bits of the looking glass through which I understand my world. I start to see through that perspective, translating in that language, in that context. Like, changing weather causes change within us. Or, focusing where you put your energy is one way of managing what energy comes to you. Or, trying too hard or too much of anything is probably unnatural.
- Dreading going to work? Maybe there's part of your job you haven't enjoyed yet.
- Hitting your head against the same problem in your relationship? Maybe it's not him that needs to change.
- People smiling at you a lot today? You're hot. And are giving off approachable vibes.
- Losing your wallet or your keys, AGAIN? Try being in the present moment; your mind is elsewhere.
What I'm saying is that maybe we should try participating in this whole thing, even on those hit-snooze days. Even when the going gets rough, when things seem to be chaotic and painful and inconsequential, try to find the patterns and create solutions. Find reason and I don't mean spiritually or religiously.. just.. in the context of your life.
Man, all that from having a hard time waking up? Welcome to my brain.
i enjoyed reading the Steve Jobs speech. Oh and your blog too. :)
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