In Between

To seek the timeless way we must first know the quality without a name. There is a central quality which is the root criterion of life and spirit in a man, a town, a building, or a wilderness. This quality is objective and precise, but it cannot be named. 

– Christopher Alexander

Kurt Vonnegut's advice on telling stories, worth the short listen via Brain Pickings

I love this paragraph Inkling's latest blog post. Resonates with me on a personal level, considering the way I grew up, the projects I'm drawn to, and my fascination with relationships and Co/Lab, the collaboration project.

Informal learning, by contrast, happens in the mental space between lectures. It’s what you learn outside a formal setting by observing the world and trying things out. (You didn’t learn the consequences of sticking a fork in the toaster from a book; you simply tried it.) It’s what you learn when you follow the trail of questions raised by every answer—once you read this, it makes you want to learn more about that, which in turn sparks your curiosity about something else. The next thing you know, hours have gone by and you’re the world’s newest expert on something you, perhaps, hadn’t expected. Odds are, just like in the first example you thought of above, you may have even called on your friends, colleagues, and the Internet to help in this process. Type I learning means developing networks (with people) and connections (between disparate concepts) that help you better understand ideas, both new and old. 

Read the full thing here: http://www.inkling.com/blog/


It also reminds me of a quote from Tony Hsieh's Delivering Happiness:

"...happiness doesn't come primarily from within but, rather, from between."

Yesterday's conversations continued...

Me: Would you work if you didn't have to?

Him: Yeah, probably.

What would you do?

[Various ideas, including conducting a train across the country]

ooo, that would be chill.

Yeah, I could eat junk food all day.

No! I would be in the food car and make sure you eat healthy organic fresh foods all day.

What, you're going to bring me food every day?

No, I'd be working in the food car. You'd order a Big Mac, and I'd be like, no, you should have a fresh salad. And you'll be like, FIINNNEE and later you'll come back and be like, wow, that was pretty good, thank you, and then you'll come back every day and order a Big Mac and I'll give you a salad and you'll soon realize I do it because I love you and you realize you keep coming back knowing you won't get what you order because you love me and then one day you'll propose to me in the cap of a water bottle.

A water bottle?

Yeah, like Snapple. But we don't serve Snapple. Too much sugar.

I don't think Snapple tastes too sugary...

It's not about taste. 

and then the train comes and we go to work in silence.

A rough recall of this morning's conversation while walking through the brisk 6 AM air as we do every morning...

Him: I wish we had a helicopter to take us from our place to BART (the train station).

Me: Yeah... I'm sure helicopters take time to warm up though.

True...

But maybe we could auto-set the time so as soon as we wake up, it turns on and by the time we get to the roof it'll be warm and ready to drop us off and instead of wasting time landing we can rappel down to the station with like, ropes and stuff.

Are you sure you can do that?

Uh, yeah? Can you?

It's from pretty high up there, I'll need like 5 ropes secured to me.

Well, I'd make sure the auto pilot knows to get close to the sidewalk so we can basically step down.

Okay.

OR, we could just teleport.

Yeah, duh, why didn't we think of that? We could use the closet. Where would it drop us off at?

Inside the next train?

No, right at the front door of our work.

Yeah...OR, we could just quit our jobs and never leave our bed ever again.

Yeaaah, I like that one.
...

 To be continued.

Ephemera.
Nostalgia.
Momentos.
Lovers.
Creme fraiche.
Personal space.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

 -Marilyn Monroe

(via Brit and Dave)

I agree with this quote with all my soul. Who knew that I would have the same ideals as Marilyn Monroe?

What is it about people and their pets? What's so special about that relationship that make people coo and goo over camera photos and stories? I realize that might sound cynical, but please know that I'm genuinely curious and not trying to offend. I feel like a bad person to say that I can't relate to that mushy gushy love between pets and their owners. I can witness it and understand that it's real, but I just haven't experienced it for myself.

Growing up we had pets. Nippers and Melody were rabbits, and Angel was a parakeet. We brought home the class hamster. Clover, a German shepherd/lab mix, accompanied with us for a good 11 years, but we had to put down earlier this year because of an untreatable tumor. I miss her, and regret that I never took good care of her. I always saw her as a misbehaved dog, and never opened my heart to her until much too late. I loved her when she was little and cute, and then I became a self-absorbed lazy ass of a teenager. What was missing from me that kept us from having a relationship?

There are some days that I feel a longing for companionship, and a little puppy or kitten sounds like just the solution for my problems. But that's not very fair is it. I feel that it's not right to decide to have a pet out of loneliness and dependency, whether that pet be a mouse or a human. And on days that I feel good and solid, a pet would seem more of a responsibility than anything. Something is missing there as well.

Is it because I see animals as animals, and not as humans? It's selfish to say, I know. I'm sorry... I'm just trying to understand. Am I being self righteous, and bigoted? I would love love love to have a friend to listen, to cuddle and run around with -- but it all seems so weird and experimental to me. I know of neurotic pets whose owners pull their hair out over, yet love them to bits. I know of calm and passive animals who become part of the routine, and aren't babied. I know of perfectly co-habitable cats and well behaved dogs.

I don't know what about me is being reflected in my opinion of animals. I do know, that until I figure it out, I can't ever have a pet, and that makes me sad to know that I'm missing out on something.

LETTERPRESS PRINTING. ANNA BOND OF RIFLE DESIGN. ERIN JANG OF INDIGO BUNTING ILLUSTRATION& DESIGN. COLLECTING BITS OF NATURE. START-UP COMPANIES. JAPANESE FOOD. DILL WEED. CAMPING BY THE OCEAN. THE OCEAN. DAYS OFF. ON-DAYS. A WELL DESIGNED ROOM. SEEING DREAMS MATERIALIZE. TIME ALONE. COOKING WITH FRIENDS. JASON'S SUDDEN DANCE MOVES. A GOOD SONG. WES ANDERSON'S FILMS. JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT. THINGS THAT FIT. BEING WITH MON SOEURS. WALKS IN DAVIS IN THE FALL. RECHARGING. A CLEAN HOME. MY FRIENDS. THE THOUGHT OF LIVING WITH JASON SOON. MAKING LISTS AND CHECKING THINGS OFF. QUIET SLOW MORNINGS. BOATS. MORNING LIGHT. GETTING MAIL. FINDING PARTY & WEDDING INSPIRATION. HIS SCENT. A GOOD JOKE. "I'D BE LYING" BY GREG LASWELL.



What do you love that's worth shouting about?

I was thinking the other day that I would like to have children so that they may go to school and that I may make them bento boxes for lunch every morning. Yes, I want to be That Mother. I've always loved that scene in Totoro where the big sister is gently pressing one umeboshi on top of the rice she's packed into cute little bento boxes, and then tying them up in a furoshiki for her dad to take to work. And then she gobbles up her rice with chopsticks really really fast before running out the door herself.



There's something magical this compact meal of delicious variance that fills me with joy. This feeling of satisfaction is so powerful that I try to replicate it in all aspects of my life.

• I try to create a living space that is visually tasty and hold lots of shapes and sizes surrounding one central piece.
• My friends are interesting to me and complement each other.
• I prefer that my meals have options to choose from, and lean towards dishes with the most variety of ingredients.
• I select my wardrobe to be mix-n-matchable and of no particular style but yummy.
• Sometimes I organize with a level of OCD until things feel right.

I wonder if anyone else feels this strongly about bentoboxes as I do. They are just so cute and clever - I can't help but swoon over it's awesomeness. Is it just a Japanese thing? Is it just me?

Drool over rest of Flickr BentoBox pool here.
How to Make Chicken Lollipops on Just Bento

So I just want to write about the three elevators at my work for a bit.

Creepy Modernization
They've been working on 'modernizing' the elevators one by one for the past, oh, forever. So far they've finished one. The only noticeable upgrade is that the elevator can now announce in a 35 year old woman's voice what floor you are currently passing and what direction you are going (up, or down). It's really creepy. I don't know why anyone would ever choose to ride in it, and I think in fact that people don't.

Somehow in the 'modernization' project of the first elevator they managed to wire the two remaining elevators to run together while the third elevator is out of commission. These two remaining elevators face each other exactly and so you can see the doors open on the other side at the same time and see the people file out. And when you push the button to go back down to the lobby, you will wait for a long time before TWO elevators open for you, as if to say "Now wasn't that worth the wait?". No, elevators, it was not.

Shall We Race?
Now, every time I wait for the elevator with a group of people, I hope that I have the guts to take the 'other elevator' and race the rest of the group down to the lobby so that I can jump out and get to lunch first. But that woman's voice is really loud and so creepy that I never want to take the elevator alone, and it seems that everyone else also feels the same. Nobody rides that second, fancy elevator. What a waste of modernization.

Forced Philosophical Statements
Today, the doors opened up to my floor and I damn near ran into someone trying to enter the elevator. Where are his manners! You should wait for people to exit before entering, I was once told. I laughed anyway and said "Hi", and he was a little flurried because the other elevator arrived at the same time mine did, as usual. He didn't know which one to pick and cried, "I always have to choose!" and I laughed, and said something dumb about how yeah it's a race and as I walked away I realized I should have instead responded, in a spooky voice, "There's always a choice". The thought felt profound enough at the time to write about.

Admittedly, I could be selectively picking up these moments and reading into them as part of the choice-related theme my life has been following. More on that another time...

Since I've been completely and utterly neglectful of this blog due to a pathetic writer's block, I'm going to attempt to break through by writing about my dreams and see where it goes. Something abstract and tactless yet meaningful to some part of my psyche, apparently.

I've found a recent theme of abandonment throughout my dreams for the past few nights. In my dreams I'm looking for my sister to save me from burning my foot in the oven, yet she is no where to be found until too late. And in another dream my parents invite us all to a party, but I think we're too cool to go so we kind of hang back and continue doing our things, or so I think. Next time I turn around my sisters are dressed up and getting into the car, without telling me that they'd decided to go, in other words, not inviting me. My reaction in that dream was to have a maaajor thrombo on the hood of the car. It was horribly embarrassing but I meant every satanic word. At the time.

This totally would happen in real life by the way, or at least in my head. I would first feel hurt and it would turn into feelings of betrayal. I'd immediately mask my pain with pride and go back inside and continue on some passive aggressive adventure of revenge, like mess up the closet that they just organized, or hide their favorite stuffed animals. It's a reaction I've had all my life. It used to be that there was no difference between being late and on time as long as I showed up, yet I fall to pieces when the other person doesn't notify me when they're running behind. I tend to translate this lack of fortuitous timing into neglect, and take personal offense to this inconsideration. Now I ask for exact time estimations from my dates, to the minute or at least a 6 minute range. It's turning me into a control freak!

In my waking life I'm learning to deal with my anger (I know, what? Milan angry? Just ask my sisters) and how it stems from the pain of feeling abandoned. I am at a COMPLETE loss as to how to get over it. I can be logical and realize that shtuff happens and it doesn't mean that I am the center of the universe (but I am the center of MY universe!) and that I don't have to be made the victim (then why do i FEEL like the victim??). Exasperated sigh.

It's ridiculous really, and I can't help but feel that I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life. Alls I knows is that either 1) my significant other is going to have to be extra communicative and constantly present (not physically, mainly emotionally) in order to reassure my ego that it is loved or 2) love my ego myself. Or both.

The conversations in my head go like this:

Me: You are not the center of the universe.
Ego: But I am the center of MY universe.
Me: Ok yes, but you have to live with others in this universe so calm the cow down!
Ego: *pout* ok.

Me: You don't have to be the victim today.
Ego: But I am the victim, why else would I feel this way?
Me: Because you're hurt, that's all. It's a legitimate reaction and it'll pass.
Ego: But when?
Me: As soon as you stop making yourself the victim.
Ego: But I want to be! I don't have to be strong here!
Me: Aha. So that's what you want? To be weak?
Ego: no...
Me: Okay. Well I love you so be strong and it will pass.
Ego: *pout* ok.

We all have our inner demons called the ego, and I think we all should have a better relationship with it. I don't know if having this type of conversation will work for me, but I'll give it a try the next time I find myself in a completely irrational place. Like while having a hissy fit on the hood of a car.

Love and life. Let's do this.

May I be at peace.
May I dismiss negative thought.
May I be focused.
May I enjoy today.
(and the rest of my week in Hawaii, at that!)



[image from i suwanee's flickr]

Unfortunately this past weekend's cookie-baking activity fell kind of flat. In fact, I found myself falling flat a lot this weekend. Do you ever have those days where you just have no idea what is going on, what to expect, or what to do about it while it's happening in front of you? A good metaphor would be ummm, a plane crash. That was my weekend. a catastrophic, cruel flippin' plane crash.

[Ten minutes later] So, I wrote in great detail what was so extreme about this weekend but deleted it all because I care about you, Reader. I want to spare you the ugly facts of life and just leave you with the silver lining and the lessons I learned in the end because, well, while I want to assure you that I am just as human as you are, you don't need to know HOW human. You likely feel like thanking me by now, so I'd like to link to my wishlist that I've created just now for these gratuitous moments.

- We now have a thermostat, which means we are no longer required to bend down to open the door of the wall heater and light the pilot that keeps going out, which means we can block its access with the couch, and with this new positioning opens up a delightful space for infinite room decorating options! Females, please rejoice with me if you are as chronically domestic as I.

- NEVER light a pilot unless you are wearing flame-proof gloves (and mask, to be safe).

-I have a relationship with a man who has a boundless depth of heart when it comes to the bottom line. Females, please rejoice with me once again: men CAN do things without being asked... it just depends on the situation.

-I realized that I have just as much communication issues as I peg him for. Damn.

So, in order to console your feeling of emptiness after I deprived you of the details of my weekend, I'd like to close this post with an offering of a lovely taste of the internet with these links below.

www.highstreetmarket.etsy.com
fisforfavorites.blogspot.com/

Before landing this new apt, I had searching for apartments for four months prior. I think I've streamlined the process by now, and would like to share a few things that I learned.

1. Search by area.
You probably already have an idea of the locations you'd consider, based on your commute to work, proximity to nightlife or groceries, and general environment. For me, all three were priorities for me, so I had to pick one criteria to start with. Lightly at first, I'd open up every local listing that had an interesting headline just to get a feel of what I could expect in those neighborhoods, and cross out any non-negotiables.

2. Search by price within that area.
It's good to know what you can expect from your budget so that you're not surprised. Make comprimises where you have to by evaluating what amenities and perks are included in the rent total, and make a mental note on what you can expect from the low end to the high end of your price spectrum. For example, for $975 I know I can expect to NOT have a 1 BR AND an in-unit washer and dryer, but maybe I can compromise for a 1 BR in a gated community that has a laundry room. If I really want the in-unit washer/dryer, maybe I should consider having a roommate to alleviate the costs? I went through like, 2,534 of those kinds of questions.

3. Save time by ONLY looking at posts that provide photos.
In my rental career, I've been so thorough in my online research that I've signed the lease for the first or second apartment I physically visited. Having photographs of the unit shows professionalism on the landlord's behalf (it's a BASIC expectation of selling on the internet), and also dependability. Gone are the days where you play phone tag and coordinate schedules and travel to the new place and wait for the landlord and decide you hate the place and dread looking at the next one that will deceive you so. Plus it's a bad feeling. Would you rather do that ten times a week, or nail the dream apartment on the first or second try? While there may be unphotographed opportunities you might overlook, you may not want to spend time weeding those out.

4. When you do schedule a visit, be thorough.
This is your 5 Minutes of Fame to to ask any and all questions that might come up during your residence. You haven't signed any papers yet, and can still bail easily with a simple, Thanks for your time but this isn't for me. Consider your lifestyle now and what you need to be comfortable. Where is the trash, laundry and mail located? Can they tell you about your neighbors? How will you contact them for repairs? Where is the nearest bus stop? javascript:void(0)

5. Give yourself ample time.
The last thing you want in this process is A) to get discouraged and B) to settle. In the end, your home is your HOME. Your sanctuary from an ever-increasingly crazy world. I don't know what your day-to-day situation is like but if you're working the 9-6 like me, the last thing you'll want to do is to come home knowing there is problem to deal with. Start your research early, even if leases aren't available for another month. Get your budget together. Ask you friends if they know of any openings. Get excited for the change.

So far, I've been at the new spot for two weeks now. I still haven't added any furniture and some things are still in a clutter, but I am not in a rush to figure that out. I'm enjoying the space as it is, as the choice that I made so carefully.

They say if you look good, you feel good,
but I think if you feel good, you look better.

Better than good, better than bad, and anything better than bad is good.

Is it just me or has 2009 so far been a little bit insane? I feel like my immediate circle has accelerated into a hurricane mass of all sorts of seemingly uncontrollable life changes. People I love and care about, including myself, are being tested for their strength to survive through financial struggle, poor health, loss and work or family stress. I guess I just have to breathe and remember that even in the darkest times we always find hope and manage to pull through.

Move on. Don't stop.